The Definitive Essay on Hipsters or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Embrace Being a Vintage-Head Who Likes Certain Yuppies

So for a long time I really liked the hipsters. I really did. The music they flock to is pretty much the bread and butter of this blog, and the girls are cute. But I've recently had to directly interact with a couple of them and it's not a pleasant experience. They are incapable of communicating. The notion of socializing seems to freak them out. And they are absolutely, as a rule, unfriendly, if only because they don't expect to have to communicate. An out of town pal of mine took his virginal daylight walk down Bedford Ave around N 7th this past June and he asked, "is this some kind of weird social experiment?" Another friend of mine - one who lives among them and the native Poles in Greenpoint - pointed out that these were the kids who were the freaks and losers in suburbia and that rather than make the effort to be better at communication and general socializing like us urbanite freaks and losers, they chose to crowd around each other, develop a needlessly overworked fashion style in order to stand out, and then devolve into vacuous ninnies.

What kills me is the years-long cool factor of eye glasses and vintage clothing. It made me think they're all a bunch of nerds. They're not! They're too stupid to be nerds! They just co-opted the look! The idea of a Utopian world of hot, smart people seemed to be at our grasps, only for us to find that it was a facade. Dumb, pretty people just figured out a way to look smart, not be smart.

But what's really triggered my contempt is the rise of the keffiyeh. I became really bothered by this fashion trend of Palestinian resistance scarves for two reasons: 1) the use of scarves in the summer time because it's "cool" and 2) either the blatant association with the imagery or the lack of information in regards to said imagery. It's not a question of whether one agrees with any or all of the dimensions of the Palestinian cause. It's a question of the motivation behind it. How many of these vapid morons have actually taken the time to understand the symbolism and how many of them have given deep thought to the merits and demerits of the cause (see the Che shirt phenomenon)? Though I am by no means an "Israel is right no matter what" kind of fool, I am heartened by the rise of Israeli Defense Force shirts in the scene as the Mideast conflict plays itself out in the hipsterverse. Of course, the fear is that some of these response-wearers are themselves uninformed. But someone had to start wearing it out of substance. They had to. Either way, the fashionistas seem to have broken down into civil war, which is in and of itself maddening as it is fascinating.

A month ago, the Times wrote a piece about the end of McCarren Park Pool as a venue and the fact that the writer could not avoid pointing out the little quirks about these strange people is hilarious. It is one of the best pieces on hipsters I have ever read. In a follow-up, the Times wrote yesterday on the Sonic Youth finale, and they hilariously wrote that a hipster asked to be off the record on how they are deliberate about their look (that's a no-no to admit) but the writer also erroneously described Craig Finn as a hipster (he's not, he's a regular guy with glasses who's too literary and too normal to be a full-on hipster)! So there are a couple of examples of the so-strange-one-can't-be-objective-about-it hipsterverse.

There are those out there who will defend the hipsters as those who keep the Indie and cutting edge music and art scenes alive with their money and their scenester-ism. This is a valid point. And for a long time I would even go so far as to champion the hipsters over the boring yuppies who gentrify everything to the point of excess, leaving New York too expensive for the rest of us. But the yuppies can communicate. The yuppies can have conversations. The yuppies don't like to hoard their culture, they like to sprinkle it around (though they do like to hoard the money, which can be a problem if you're into the whole progressive communal thing). And the yuppies can provide the very funds that the hipsters do. In fact, as the yuppies move into the hipster neighborhoods, they've come to adopt a lot of the hipster look - creating some disturbing test-tube-like hybrids known as the "Yipster".

I am working on a theory to delineate people like me from the hipsters. The working label is "vintage-head". I appreciate the elements behind some of the hipster look. Turning-back-the-fashion-clock is truly the way to go. But one can be a vintage-head without being an anti-social, cliquish, spoiled brat. It is simply an appreciation for the finer things in past lives, to make a new pastiche in the modern world.

At one McCarren show I attended this summer, I met who I thought was the First Nice Hipster. In fact, she turned out to be a yipster (I figured it out because she looked the part of the hipster but had only heard of bands like the Black Lips and the Hold Steady; if she was a true hipster she'd have been well-versed in such matters, and she wouldn't have been talking to random, friendly people in the first place). And because this girl was so nice, and friendly, and social, she smashed the stereotype of the arrogant yuppie for me. And frankly, I've been meeting some very nice yuppies this summer and over the year past. And I get along with them a lot better than I do with the hipsters. So in conclusion, the Love of the Hipsters is Dead. Long Live the Vintage-Heads and Their Friends in the Yuppie/Yipster Community. May we live together in harmony and may we even intermingle and have Vintage-Yuppie/Yipster babies. And may we take back the hot-nerd look. And above all, may we be able to carry on a nice conversation. Take that you lousy hipsters! Now get me my mocha latte! And do it on the quick before I blow my lid and throw my fedora at you, see?!

(Please note the possibility that the "vintage-head" theory may a distraction from the realization that this writer may just be a plain ol' yuppie who likes fedoras and bad 1940's movie talk, and has been rejected and dejected by hipsters, and doesn't want to own up to it. If this turns out to be the case, and the writer is called on it, please see the upcoming essay "Why All Yuppies, Hipsters, Yipsters, and Vintage-Heads Can Rally Together Against the Hated Hippies".)

More on Gotham City and Brooklyn Development

Changes coming to 125th St?

Brooklyn is busy again, despite the recent club problems:
The IKEA store/sore (depending on how you feel about it) is finally coming to Red Hook, which has taken, or never did take, off as a trendy neighborhood (depending on how you feel about it, and which block you walk on).

Speaking of eye sores, there can be no debate on what Frank Gehry now has planned for Atlantic Yards. Is this punishment for the shiny, slick tower being scrapped?

Brooklyn Venues Under Fire

• Union Hall
• Sound Fix
• Luna Lounge

After a streak of booming venue news - the latest of which being that the Southpaw people would be taking over the current Galapagos site when that establishment moves to DUMBO - things seem a little on edge right now.

Gotham City Development Update

It's been a busy last few days in the world of NYC development, primarily in regards to the Atlantic Yards and the Hudson Yards. There's also been a big step back in the future of building a new Penn Station. Haberman laments the stagnation on some of these projects and more importantly, on the ever slowing pace of needed MTA infrastructure improvement. It wouldn't be a crime if the Nets don't get an arena in Brooklyn (don't worry, they will) but it will be a travesty if the 2nd Ave subway line is never built. And forget this writer's own daydreams of extending the G train to Coney Island and building an underground connection between the Atlantic Ave mega-station and the C/G stop at Lafayette...it now looks like the big, gorgeous Fulton hub will not happen. Shame all around.
WNYC had two segments on the Yards situation yesterday:



In other news, a city legislator wants to make "Gotham City" the official nickname of New York:

A Big Weekend for Brooklyn

The NY Times profiled a bunch of bands and the scene in general, but...does Vampire Weekend really qualify as a Brooklyn band? At least some of the members moved to the borough but does that really count? They were based out of Columbia before hitting it big.

Whether they are from Brooklyn or not, VW were on SNL this weekend, another notch in their unbelievably rapid fire ascent.

The Reign of Brooklyn

Again borrowing from Stereogum and again MTV profiles music: It's just about official now that Brooklyn not just dominates over Manhattan but exists as an independent, unjoined entity.

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Brooklyn - and by Brooklyn this means only Williamsburg, Greenpoint, and now parts of Bushwick - is self-sustaining. Bands reside, record, and perform all in Brooklyn and now there are a host of different sized venues (from the holes-in-the-wall that Todd P cultivates to the Luna Lounge and Music Hall) for these bands to scale the ladder of.

This is all a bit confusing as it didn't seem that there would be any reason to disassociate Hipsterville East - Williamsburg - from Hipsterville West - The LES. One would truly have to be in the know, in the "scene" to distinguish a happening, creative flourish of activity in Brooklyn from one not happening in Manhattan. But in a way, it does make sense. The garage rock scene did die off - all the "the" bands seem to have disappeared, moved on, or changed their game. And while the Bowery Ballroom, Mercury Lounge, Pianos, Cake Shop, and Arlene's Grocery all pack in a ton of excellent and creative acts - there is a sense of being stifled in the LES. If anything, it's a product of rent and migration. As more and more artists moved to Brooklyn as a means of survival, they turned Brooklyn into the self-sustaining city it is today. Why trek across the packed L train or pay expensive cab fares over the bridge when you can set up shop a few blocks away in a loft?

A few observations on the piece:
-The dismissal of not having Brooklyn roots was sort of obnoxious. It is doubtful that there is some backlash against these bands for not being made up of born-and-bred Brooklynites. Rock n' roll has never been organic to Brooklyn. It has been to Queens for some reason, but not Brooklyn. Brooklyn natives used to be pop singers and now they're mostly rappers. So relax. Fuggedaboutit!
-While Todd P is mostly correct in that none of these bands sound the same, most - at least those profiled on MTV - all seem to be inspired by the DIY-keep-it-dissonant ethic of the No Wave movement that were headlined once by Sonic Youth, again by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and will be headlined again by one of these bands. It all does sort of blend together after a bit.
-Kyp Malone may be seen all over Williamsburg but you know - you can see him all over Chelsea too. So there.

As all things of this nature go, there is always instant nostalgia for a few years before. All these come-and-gone live spaces longed for and remembered by a dwindling few as new blood comes to roost in the new hot spots. It's happened to Manhattan neighborhoods over and over and it will happen again in Brooklyn. As Zebulon has replaced Tonic, something in the next few years will probably replace Zebulon. And in 10-15 years, people in Sheepshead Bay, Canarsie, and Coney Island will talk about the old days of Yeasayer and MGMT at a Todd P party on Bushwick Ave (or something to that effect).
Of course by that time, Brooklyn may very well just be independent from Manhattan altogether (let's face it, it isn't just the hipsters that don't need Manhattan to survive...all the new immigrant communities all over the borough seem to be doing just fine) and we'll all be distracted by the Mayoral election contest between the incumbent old fogey Bruce Rattner and the insurgent relative youngster Elwood Pennypacker, whose coalition of Carribean, Russian, Chinese, and Hipsters, combined with a surprise endoresment from former President Bloomberg, could deliver City Hall at Erasmus to the upstart. Plus, the TV on the Radio reunion show at the Brooklyn Dodgers first game back home since '57 will be all the rage. You never know...