33 Memories of the White Stripes

1. "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground", the second time around, while walking through Center City Philadelphia.

2. Desperately trying to get a ticket to the Hammerstein Ballroom show with Loretta Lynn and some opening act named Blanche and joining an Internet message board in a last ditch effort to get one. And willing to take an Amtrak train to get there too.

3. Going to a Flaming Lips concert on the chance that they would show up, coming from the New York show. I became a fan of the Flaming Lips in the process.

4. Leaving friends behind, racing home in a cab, to catch night 4 on Conan just because I didn't trust the VCR to work.

5. The event of buying Elephant.

6. Finally seeing them for the first time, at Roseland Ballroom, the night Jack cursed out "frat fuckers" for moshing on unwilling people. Also learning that Jack purposefully leaves his guitar feedbacking on the amp to deafen the audience.

6. Jack answering my question regarding the above mentioned "Frat fuckers" - this was the first response to anything I've written and also the last response to be civil.

7. The day "Blue Orchid" came out and I told everyone this was the wrong mp3, this was actually the new Prince record, and really meaning it.

8. Beginning a steady string of internet crushes, bonding over the band, resulting in one lifelong friendship and one nearly 2-year romantic relationship with a married woman that went off the internet and into real life.

9. The endless numbing hours posting excessive comments on the board and having an entire life on there that wound up having almost nothing to do with the band except when things happened and Jack got mad.

10. The tiny-record single and tiny-player fiasco - the first time Jack accused fans of being disloyal.

11. The birth of the Raconteurs and the wristband process to see them at Tower Records - the second time Jack accused fans of being disloyal. A relative's letter.

12. Meeting the born again christian woman, whom I credit myself with converting to atheism, at the first Coney Island concert. Meeting her then-husband and little children. The woman eventually became an atheist celebrity, went on Nightline to fight Kirk Cameron, left that movement behind, and became a porn star. This is all true.

13. Dirtblanche: Two bands whose fan bases extended -in part- in having something to do with the Stripes, who sound nothing alike, who played together one night in Cleveland.

14. Delia

15. The time one of Jack's brothers told me not to bother with trying to be a voice-over actor.

16. That girl with the very weird hair with one of the brothers and...gah.

17. The time I saved Tracee Mae from a pervert who wanted to harass her. That pervert eventually got married to someone and seemed OK.

18. THE video.

19. The scandal of owning that unreleased documentary that included footage of the Bowery Ballroom shows, Jack pissing in the street, and Meg watching porn.

20. "New York Confuses Me"

21. The Irving Plaza Concert Part 1 - the hilarity of the pre-show. New York "It's all good" vs. Midwest Internet Delusions.

22. The Irving Plaza Concert Part 2 - the security guard from the Elvis Costello show who remembered me and was happy to see me.

23. The Irving Plaza Concert Part 3 - the concert itself. Black Jack Davey.

24. The Irving Plaza Concert Part 4 - the alley, after the show. "I know you - asshole."

25. The MSG Show - the ultimate moment of success, only to be upstaged by Nick Cave.

26. Back to wristbandgate: waiting on the line, a woman coming up to me to tell me she is a big fan of mine and the comments I've written on the fan site, and she is glad to just say hello.

27. The night I thought I just happened to come across the Raconteurs playing a fashion show and instead it turned into Jack thinking we were following his van. HEY! Pick a different street to drive! I was trying to get to the subway! Punk.

28. The whole I-only-know-the-Dirtbombs-because-of-them thing.

29. Feeling almost coldly indifferent to the reunion on Conan's last Late Night.

30. After all the success, and all those who got to enjoy the ride, and ironically after my own scoffing - it was just me and the Greenhornes one night in New Jersey. Fitting.

31. When they were on the MTV Awards, and Meg mumbled something, and my sister said "They're weird".

32. The first time Jack referred to himself as president of a corporation, when a dopey Chicago DJ played a record too early.

33. $80 for a .45 7" record - and it would have been at least $250 if the seller hadn't only advertised it as a Dirtbombs single. Clever.

33A: Two Words - Arthur Dottweiler